Thursday, January 21, 2010

Long Distance Love

  I wrote an article on Eden Cafe about my relationship with my boyfriend and how sometimes it's hard to maintain staying sane with being so far away. I missed a few points I wanted to make, but I was overflowing with a lot of different emotions at the time of writing it so some things went unsaid. 

  Sometimes I think of what it would be like if I tried dating someone else. Someone closer, and someone who I can touch and feel. People tell me all the time it's what I should do, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't imagine how I would feel if my boyfriend called me to tell me he didn't want to continue our relationship because he wanted to date someone closer. I would be devastated, and I mean I would turn into a complete train wreck.  So I can't do it to him because I know that I wouldn't be happy with anyone else no matter how physically close to them I am.  I think that I might enjoy being able to touch someone, and cuddle with them in rainy weather like this, but all I would think about is the one guy who has meant so much to me this past year. The one guy who has made me happy without having to be right there with me, without buying me stuff, without having to take me out to dinner. He makes me happy without having to do anything special for me (which he would do if we were together, but I have no problem with not having it) besides being himself. It wouldn't be fair to my boyfriend, the guy I was physically with (if it happened) nor would it be fair to me. I get stressed out enough with having to deal with the craziness that's already in my life and I'm not looking to add to it.    

    When I tell people how I wish it were easier and they typically say, 'Well you are the one that chose to be in this relationship. What did you expect?' or 'You could make it easier on yourself if you weren't in the relationship to start with.'  I just don't want to hear it anymore. I have enough going on without them shooting me down even more than I already am.

    I know, I know, just don't talk about it with them. If I don't want my feelings hurt, or if I don't want to hear it, then don't say anything about it, but I don't always start the conversation. Trust me.